After several brutal setbacks, the dream became a reality for Liv (45)
What do you do if you are single, over 40 and dream of becoming a mother? Liv Marie Skaare Baden (45) had always envisioned a family life, with husband and child.
– It’s probably something very inherent in you, I think, and I’ve realized that a lot of other people are also aware of that. It’s such a yearning, it just feels so natural. I’m going to be a mom, of course I’m going to be a mom. And it’s been that way since I was little. It’s just the world’s greatest self-evident that it should happen.
But then it’s not the world’s greatest self-evident thing for everyone. We learn that, among other things, in the NRK podcast, “Life’s Last Chance”where Liv Marie opens up about the long and difficult road to becoming a mother.
– You go and hope
She was over 40 years old and had therefore always set out to have a child, to become a mother. She therefore had to make a choice.
– I was actually challenged a bit on this by a friend who said: “Do you really want that? Then you have to “take advantage” of it, because time flies”, she says and continues:
– I think you go and hope that things will work out, that you will find a man and make the child with him. Because that’s what you want, I basically don’t want to be alone. I want a family situation, I want to be there. But in the end I just had to stick my finger in the ground and say that I have to go it alone. Then that’s how it has to be.
The heart stopped beating
Liv Marie becomes pregnant on the first attempt in Denmark. She is going through a pregnancy. Everything is normal and she will give birth – with her friend Jorunn in the delivery room. And there, on the biggest day of her life, she learns that the little boy’s heart has stopped beating. But the heart did not start beating again. She has to give birth to the little boy who is dead. Little Sebastian.
– I was just waiting for a message and for them to say: “Now we just have to do this and that, and then the heart starts beating again”. It took a while before I realized…, she says with a crack in her voice and lets it hang in the air for a while before continuing:
– It is so illogical, it is so absurd. I was like: «No, but he has to go out. What are you talking about? This doesn’t happen. Well, the heart has to start beating again and then we have to give birth”. For me, it was stretched there so enormously far. I felt that it took so long for that «token» to fall and I just realized what it was: «You really mean this, that he is dead».
– That this should not happen, everything I’ve dreamed about, expected and longed for and hoped for for nine months. It is a long and expectant time.
Her friend Jorunn Hauge was in the delivery room that day. And she, like Liv Marie, had also thought that this was going to work out.
– Of course, it was a shock. It went so fast. We met there at the hospital and she just had to go in for a first check-up, and then she gets the message. That “token” with me went down a little sooner than it did with you. Then I thought that now we just have to be here, now I have to focus, says Jorunn and Liv Marie continues to tell what she remembers from that very moment:
– I felt like I argued with him, that’s how I remember it. And then suddenly you were there when it really dawned on me. Then it was like you just threw yourself at me, says Liv Marie about her good friend.
Fight on
She continued to fight on. At heart, Sebastian is hers forever.
She had tried again, which she decided to carry out. The first attempt was not successful and the second attempt resulted in a miscarriage.
– How close were you to giving up then, Liv Marie?
– Then I had to make a new assessment, as I had used up the three attempts. After all, it was a rollercoaster, it was new thoughts, new lows, it was “should, shouldn’t”. I had to get back on the horse and simply: «What do I do now? Where are my options and alternatives? And how far am I willing to go?”
She says that it is also the financial aspect of it, but at the same time it is the time aspect.
– It’s about my age. It’s actually the worst, because you really feel that time is working against you. It’s so brutal to know it, every day tells, you get the feeling of in the end. Because it is about quality, i.e. the age of my eggs, with the woman. That is why we talk about biological age and that the clock is ticking.
Positive pregnancy test
Finally she makes up her mind. She finds a place in Saint Petersburg. A clinic that can help her and that actually says frankly that her eggs are too old. She ends up with egg donation and sperm donation and after a long time gets a fertilized egg inserted.
For the fourth time, she has a pregnancy test, at her friend Jorunn’s home – who has followed her all the way. The test is positive. But the cheering is not at the ceiling, it is muted.
– I think I can almost answer on behalf of everyone who has lost a child. It is an incredibly demanding pregnancy, it is almost pure hell. Because you are so scared. And then the nine months are very long. «Is that blood on the paper? I have no signs yet’, and I had countless nightmares and panic attacks about bleeding on the bus and at work.
– It is absolutely wonderful
But it went well. Frida Marie was born seven months ago. And Jorunn was also present at the birth this time. And they remember well the moment when Frida Marie was born.
– I had to lift her out and up myself. It was so nice. It was magical! But I didn’t dare to believe until she was out that it would go well, says Liv Marie.
Jorunn stood by and witnessed the touching moments.
– It was like a ring that had ended. She has been through so much to give Frida life. It was just indescribably amazing. It is difficult to find words to describe it. That was how it had to be.
– How would you describe her as a mother?
– She is absolutely beautiful, and I knew that. I see how she is with my children. She is fantastic.
Life Marie fought for many years. Now she’s a mom. And she will celebrate Christmas with her daughter for the first time.
– It is absolutely wonderful. She is extremely active. She is very kind and she spreads so much joy by virtue of being herself, not just to me – but also to everyone around.