February 2, 2023 – What takes longer in Croatia – to change the registered name of the real estate in the cadastre or to deliver lemons from Hvar to Zagreb? Just another random day (or month) in Absurdistan.

This is a story with a VERY happy ending, indicating a big positive change. Sincerely.

It just didn’t feel like it for 18 days.

Our story begins on the morning of Monday, January 9, 2023. A new year, a new beginning. For some, a new desire to live. What could help that ardor better than a shipment of lemons from the family tree on idyllic Hvar?

My mother-in-law sent a package of sweets to her daughter at 09:14 by Croatian Post, early enough for the ferry to arrive for onward delivery to Zagreb.

Time passed.

A lot of time.

On Friday, January 20, through a phone call to HP, we learned that the package is in the system in Velika Gorica, near Zagreb, and that it will be delivered soon.

When nothing arrived the following Monday, a phone call asking if we could pick up the package instead of waiting was met with a negative response. He’ll be there soon.

A total of seven phone calls, including 28 and 38 minute waits (I understand that the calls are charged), resulted in nothing. Apart from the inconvenience of waiting at home due to an accidental delivery, the bigger concern was the condition of the lemons and how they would perform as future stars in the evening’s gin and tonic after more than two weeks in captivity.

Finally, on Saturday January 28th, 19 days after the lemons started their journey from Croatia’s Premier Island to the Big Smoke, the lemons arrived.

In case we thought the HP kings had a discriminatory policy towards lemons, a simultaneous example of delivery incompetence was underway with another shipment, this time from Germany.

The timeline…

January 11 – online ordering in Germany

January 14 – order sent.

January 16 – arrived in the Kingdom of HP.

January 26 – still no lemons and a phone call to cancel the German order, after being stuck in the Kingdom of HP for 10 days, and an inquiry about the health of our lemons.

January 27th – miraculously the German order arrives (one can only guess if the email to the supplier had something to do with it)

January 28 – our hero lemons, a little worse after a grueling 19-day journey without sunlight, arrive at their final destination, and the tonic is already chilling in the fridge.

Don’t let this story of lemons that didn’t become lemonade put you off, because there is a MUCH more efficient system for moving vegetables and anything else around the country, called ‘Balkan DHL Express’, the fastest, cheapest and most reliable delivery in all of Europe. Watch our video explanation here and below.

I will bookmark Croatian Post when I share this article to see if they have a lemon fee policy.

But it’s not all bad. And here is a happy – and quite unbelievable (if you follow the joys of Croatian bureaucracy, prepare for a WOW moment) case of Croatian bureaucracy on fire.

The timeline…

January 16 – online application for name change in the real estate cadastre on Hvar.

February 1 – a letter from the cadastre from Stari Grad delivered to Zagreb with updated data on the cadastre.

Only 16 days, INCLUDING delivery time. Lemons traveled the same route from Hvar to Zagreb.

Croatia – a wonderful mix of the absurdist with the best lifestyle in Europe with a sprinkling of Balkan madness on top. Why would you live anywhere else?

Now let me investigate how the Stari Grad cadastre can deliver the lemon to me.

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What is it like to live in Croatia? An expat for 20 years, you can follow my series, 20 ways Croatia has changed me in 20 yearsstarting from the beginning – Work and Dalmatia.

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