Afraid parents keep sperm donation a secret – NRK Norway – Overview of news from different parts of the country
– I had a list of questions I wanted to ask. I wanted to know if there are hereditary diseases in the family and if he shared my interests.
Katt Marmin is sitting in a cafe in Gothenburg, this time to meet NRK. Four years ago, it was a completely different meeting she was preparing for.
– I was very nervous on the bus. Imagine if he is unlovable? Imagine if we don’t know what to say to each other?
Marmin was an adult when her grandmother told her that her father was not her biological father. The parents were dead, and the grandmother was the only one who knew the family secrets.
– Fear of being rejected
She can understand that her parents covered up the story of her conception.
– My parents’ biggest dream was to have a family. Father was always terrified that me and my older brother, who is adopted, would say: – You are not my father, and I want nothing to do with you.
Marmin thought it was strange and groundless. She didn’t know that her father was sterile.
– For his generation born in the 40s, children were probably an important part of men’s identity.
Almost no one sought out the sperm donor
Sweden became the first country in the world to ban anonymous sperm donation in 1985, 20 years before Norway. Donor prisoners in Sweden have for many years had the right to be given the donor’s identity.
Men a recent study shows that very few take advantage of this opportunity.
Among 900 donor-conceived Swedes with heterosexual parents, only 60 requested information about the donor. Around half of them did as Katt Marmin did, contacting the biological father.
Professor of psychology at Umeå University, Claudia Lampic, is responsible for studies. She says that far from all donor-conceived people need to meet the sperm donor, but also suspects that many parents have not told their children how they came to be.
– 60 people is a very small proportion. It is not possible to know for sure, but one can assume that many parents have chosen not to tell, says Lampic.
She says doctors often advised parents to cover up the story, even in the years after anonymity was banned.
– Many parents received conflicting and unclear advice and felt that they had not been encouraged to tell their children about the birth.
Fear of secrecy in Norway
Until next year, it will be possible, also in Norway, to have the sperm donor’s identity disclosed. Anonymous donation was banned in 2005, but it is only when the children turn 18 that they are entitled to information from the central egg and sperm donor register.
The association for donor-conceived persons (DUIN) fears many will never be able to take advantage of the opportunity.
– You are dependent on your parents complying with the obligation to tell you about your origin in order to be able to use the register. Experience from Sweden suggests that many do not.
– Today, there is far greater openness around assisted fertilization, and singles and lesbians can also use a sperm donor. Don’t you think it contributes to less secrecy also among heterosexual parents?
– We demand it, but we know that not everyone tells this today, something too the fertility industry itself has stated.
Letter in the mailbox
DUIN believes that the authorities should be responsible for informing the children.
– It can be in the form of a letter that adoptees receive, or information can be made available on helsenorge.no.
He says that they are very positive about registering openers, but believes it is important that the framework is in place.
Same facial features
Katt Marmin says the meeting with her biological father was a special experience.
– It was a bit surreal. There I am sitting with a person with whom I share genetics, but who is an unknown man. I see that we are related and that our facial features are similar. He had the same dimples in his cheeks as me.
The two talked about what they have done in life, and both got answers to questions they have been wondering about.
– We share a common interest in history, and I learned that there are not many cases of cancer in his family.
Today, they have some contact via SMS, and she sees him as an acquaintance. She says the meeting was important to clarify what role he had in her life.
– In advance, I thought a lot about what this means for my relationship with my parents and how it affects my identity. After the meeting, it became clear that this is a pleasant person with whom I share feelings, and that’s it. I got the closure I needed.
– Parents’ responsibility to tell the children
State Secretary in the Ministry of Health, Karl Kristian Bekeng (Ap), says they expect parents to comply with the duty to tell children about the use of a donor.
– It is positive that parents are open to the child that it was created with the help of a donation. The child should be informed about this as early as possible. We therefore believe that this information should be provided by the child’s parents and not by the public.
He says that the solution that the directorate is working on will ensure that people who want to know whether they were donor-conceived in Norway after 2005 can get an answer to that regardless of whether the parents have fulfilled their obligation to provide information or not.