The Netherlands is not my homeland
After he returned to the Netherlands by plane, Zihni zdil picked out of line and provided by the military police at Schiphol. It certainly wasn’t the first time. Although Özdil had been thinking about the Netherlands as his homeland for the 1950s, he has now started to doubt.
After two months of caring for my father, I am walking out of a plane so that I can take a step in the Netherlands. The country that I had talked all these years into being mine. In countless columns, debates, yes, even a book, I consistently said: The Netherlands is my homeland.
Zihni zdil (1981) is a historian. He writes a column for ewmagazine.nl every Saturday.
Before I can take a step in that homeland of mine, I see the Marechaussee standing in the trunk of the plane. They apparently want to filter out people who do not belong in the Netherlands.
I somehow sense that I’m going to be screwed. And voilà: I get picked out. I want to show my passport. While leafing through, the at least 10 years younger, at least 10 centimeters smaller and – meaning at least 20 IQ points – asks at least 20 IQ points in the less fortunate.
“Yes,” I answer.
Have you been to other countries, he asks.
“No,” I say.
Because of my concise answers, the guy in uniform can’t tell whether I really speak Dutch.
He decides to increase the pressure: ‘What kind of work do you do?’
In my best General Civilized English I let go of all the brakes:
‘I graduated as a historian. I am also a former Member of Parliament of the States General. My columns in which you can read EW† I am also working on a book at Uitgeverij De Bezige Bij. Literary non-fiction.’
The boy in uniform nods with a bathing look in his eyes. It’s like, ‘Go ahead, keep walking’. Like I’m a dog.
It certainly wasn’t the first time
Something snaps inside me. On the train to ‘home’ I feel totally displaced. I even shed a tear.
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