“The suffering gets worse over time” says Samuel Sandler
The life of Samuel Sandler capsized ten years ago in Toulouse during the attacks. His son Jonathan and his two grandsons Arié and Gabriel were murdered by Mohamed Mérah at the Ozar Hatorah Jewish school in Toulouse.
First of all, how are you doing ten years after Samuel Sandler?
When I am asked this question, I say that, compared to my son and grandson, I am simply alive.
You get to enjoy life, or you keep denying it to yourself?
No. I don’t want to enjoy life, but I continue to live. Because it’s also my way of supporting my children. Saying their first and last names as many times as I can. That’s why I accept all the interviews because it’s the opportunity to quote them and therefore to bring them to life.
You have already said that you are obsessed with dates and birthdays. Is this one particularly painful for you and your family?
Yes, because we still feel like it was yesterday. Now the attack ten years ago and it is very different. The suffering remains the same. Even worse, I believe that over time, it gets worse. These are birthdays that we do not celebrate. The religious majorities that are no longer given. The exams, the baccalaureate which we will never hear about for my grandchildren. That is extremely painful and as the pain gets deeper.
Samuel Sandler, did the twice conviction of Mohamed Merah’s brother change anything in your mourning?
No. His condemnation I wished. What I don’t understand is the role of the family in particular. I think the thought leaders are still there. I believe that it is necessary to see well in the depths of Toulouse and its suburbs, there are still imams who preach hatred, I am convinced of it. And it’s those who armed the arms of the assassin and the rest of the family as well that we never see. The murderer’s mother never had the slightest regret. On the contrary, she was proud of her son’s deeds.
You still refuse to pronounce this name of Merah?
Yes, quite simply because if I pronounce this name, it is that I give it a certain humanity. What I have always refused. He doesn’t have a shred of humanity. When you kill a 3-year-old child with a pacifier in your mouth, I don’t think you’re quite part of the human race. And I don’t want to give him any humanity.
You know, part of my family was deported. In particular, I have a first cousin who was arrested at school in Le Havre and deported. And so for this killer it’s even worse. Because there, he claimed the filmed, he made montages.
There is one person to talk to. Arié and Gabriel had a little sister. Liora, your granddaughter, who was a baby ten years ago. She lives in Israel with her mom. Did we tell her the history of her family or do we preserve her from all that?
Your question is extremely delicate because I see her often, but I avoid talking to her because I have afraid of making a mistake in his future. She has children’s words that often hurt a lot. They speak to him of his father and his brothers, naturally, he is told that they are in heaven. So sometimes, when she takes the plane, she is happy. She says “I’m going to see my father and my brothers” and unfortunately she doesn’t see them. She spent her childhood looking for her father and brothers. Even at home, I filmed a lot. One day I asked her mother if she should have me show her the movies. That’s what I did. After two minutes, she said “no, no. Now I’m going to see them for real.”
Samuel Sandler, will you be at the commemorations at the Halle aux grains on Sunday, alongside Emmanuel Macron and the dismissed president?
Yes, in principle. Yes, I will be there.
What do you expect from this ceremony?
I really do not expect much, except that I am touched because we remember. Because, once again, that day, we will talk about them. We may talk a little more about them than we have done so far. It’s above all that, an indirect way of bringing them to life for me.
In Paris, a memorial museum for the victims of terrorism should see the light of day within five years. Do you support this project?
Yes, because I was associated with it elsewhere. I participated in quite a few meetings about the museum. I planned to present small Meccano with which Arié and Gabriel played.