Rant: 10 things I hate about cycling in Salzburg
What gets on your nerves when cycling
vor a few months ago I decided to give up the car and use the bicycle, which I had already used a lot before, as the only means of transport. What followed: many good moments, but unfortunately also a lot of bad ones. So many that I get angry spots every time I drive past a half-funny billboard somewhere raving about the cycling capital of Salzburg. It may well be that this impression arises when your own bike radius is limited to the Saturday ride from the Bonzenviertel to the old town. For people who, like me, live in the traffic-heavy north of the city, cycling in Salzburg is one thing above all: dangerous. And even more so if there is a toddler sitting in the back who would like to survive his kindergarten days. Here are the top ten annoying things to do when cycling in Salzburg.
#1 Cars parking on bike lanes
First of all: In principle, I have nothing against drivers and think playing off the means of transport against each other is stupid. People in cars, like people on bicycles, are in most cases people who want to get from A to B without killing anyone. Nevertheless, an urgent request to all Aufofahrer*innen: Stop delivering your crates to the bike lanes. It’s not your fault that Salzburg’s traffic planning is incapable of building separate cycle paths. Still, the white stripes on the side of the road aren’t made for you. It’s like this: You own the huge lane in the middle. The approx. 90 centimeters at the edge are intended for all cyclists. This also applies if you just want to pick up something quickly from the pharmacy on your way to work, little Leopold just has to go to cello lessons quickly or deliver a fucking package to her. Rings easy? Apparently not: every day I have to muddle past at least one (delivery) car that “only” uses the cycle lane as a parking space for a short time. annoying. Especially when the trucks thunder by on the street and you, as a cyclist, are once again forced into the waiting role. Apart from that: Dear suppliers, you are heroes and humanity simply spends too much time online shopping. But this is another story.
#2 bike lanes that lead nowhere
What’s worse than a parked bike lane? Exactly: A bike lane that leads nowhere. This often happens in Gnigl (near the S-Bahn station), but also at the Eichstraße bridge and in many other places. A particularly big kiss to all Salzburg traffic planners with a penchant for misanthropy also goes to the construction at the Borromäum, where you have to cross the street to stay on the cycle path. Or the situation on Mertensstraße between Jazzit and Elmokino, where the wheel lane is theoretically impassable because the lane is simply too narrow for a fat SUV. Brilliant! Folks, you wouldn’t have to do this job if you didn’t like it.
#3 e-scooter riders
They are so quiet, but also so fast. The e-scooter drivers, with whom I’ve been able to share the cycle lane more and more often, overtake like ninjas: silently. Optionally also with a Tschick, with an energy drink or cell phone in hand. Hate to break it: Not only does it look embarrassing, it’s downright dangerous. E-scooters are certainly a valuable addition to the mobility mix of the future. But not if you act like a lunatic about it. Folks, your children need you alive.
#4 Bike Food Delivery Men – with an obvious “I don’t give a fuck” attitude
The same applies here again: Dear food suppliers, you are doing great things and it is not your fault that recently nobody wants to pick up their food themselves. But: Stick to the fucking traffic rules! Rarely seen such blatant rule violations as with food suppliers who have to meet a time target. Wrong side of the street, way too fast, just turn into the intersection without looking, shred on the sidewalk – whatever. And because these bikes are also powered by E, you really have to withdraw immediately and let the action run free. Here’s the thing: we all thought these videos were cool, in which bike messengers glow through New York City traffic on fixies. But let’s be honest: Salzburg is not New York. You’re not sitting on a fixie, you’re on a brightly colored bike owned by an exploitative shit company, and bleeding to death with a broken neck on Ignaz-Harrer-Straße is just not worth the law student Justus’s lunch.
#5 The very narrow bike lanes on the right side of the Salzach
So beautiful, so dangerous. Every time I have passed the spot under the Staatsbrücke and under the Karolinenbrücke unscathed, it feels like a rebirth. Cycle lanes that are far too narrow in combination with the increased use of wide cargo bikes and trailers (and of course mediocre, far too fast cyclists) make the ride exciting for everyone. Yes, we know that the bike paths along the Salzach were the big hit for Salzburg’s city politicians. That was also the discovery of penicillin at some point. But the times have changed. Now it’s 2022 and we need: more, wider, better, safer. So, don’t grin so much at the camera, but get to work please!
#6 (E-Bike &) cyclists with noise canceling headphones
Just imagine: I get on my new, chic, extreme e-bike in the morning, the top speed of which doubles my own expensive responsiveness and then when I open the garage door I think to myself: How could I make this situation even cooler and make it more dangerous? The answer is simple: I put on my noise canceling headphones and clamp my smartphone to the handlebars. You can do it, especially if you die young and want to take a few others with you for the exit with drums and trumpets. Or you leave it.
#7 That horrible track on the Sterneckstrasse
The jackpot is won by those who can call Sterneckstraße their Tour de Jour. That half-dizzy blood-red bike lane in the middle of the busy road is always an ode to life—provided you keep it. Overwhelmed car drivers (from town, country or Braunau) and truck drivers change lanes as they please. The task of the cyclist is to look into the future – and to guess which knee-jerk reactions are imminent in the next few moments. But you have an alternative. A side street leads at the Fuxn over the Hans-Lechner-Park – unfortunately with a crossing of the completely insanely busy Vogelweiderstrasse – without a regulated transition. By the way, a good basic tip for the cycling capital: look for alternative routes where your life is not permanently in danger.
#8 The pedestrian/cyclist anarchism in z. B. the Linzer Gasser
Can you ride a bike here? Can’t you ride a bike here? You do not know exactly. Anyone who still dares to do the human slalom through e.g. B. line up the Linzer Gasse, will be happy about a few insults. The whole “Please be nice to each other” signs don’t help either. They’re funny anyway and must have made an advertising agency rich. But it could also simply be regulated by law and communicated clearly.
#9 Broken Service Stations
The classic: You want to pump up your bike at the service station in Mirabell Palace on Sunday. Unfortunately, the compressed air is broken there. Luckily, a sign points to the neighboring service station in the official building on Faberstrasse. Which of course is closed on Sundays – we guessed it. One more broken location and it becomes a scavenger hunt outside.
#10 A dream: standing in a queue with a bike
The best time is the time I spend next to/behind cars that are stuck in traffic on any random Salzburg street without a separate bike lane. You have time to think, about yourself and life, while you inhale the exhaust fumes from the cars and wait for things to continue. The alternative: ride on the sidewalk. You really shouldn’t – and there it is, the start of a criminal career.
You think that’s all half as wild? Don’t worry: an article about 10 things I love about cycling in Salzburg will be published soon. There are, too!