Saved the marriage by walking along Norway – NRK Troms and Finnmark – Local news, TV and radio
– We are very proud, says Ingrid Alm and Ole Thomas Helgesen.
They did as many think, but do not dare. They set out and jumped off the hamster wheel for a year, to realize what was their dream. An expedition before the son was captured by the school race. For their part, it was Norway along, for their own machine. Without motorized assistance.
Now the couple that they should be able to take some of the peace they have found, back to everyday life.
– It can be a blue Monday, says Ole Thomas Helgesen honestly.
The 34-year-old is in a hotel room in Honningsvåg in Nordkapp municipality, where a few days ago he crossed the “finish line” with his peer wife Ingrid, their 5-year-old son Mons and the dog Ito.
In icy snowstorms, the family from Oslo in mid-November was able to raise their arms in weather in pure 71 degrees north style, on the edge of Norway’s northernmost point.
– It was amazing. Completely surreal and big to stand there, at the same time as a small body needed cocoa and waffles, and was not so preoccupied with the globe. It was also sad when the adventure was over, says Ingrid Alm.
On March 1, 2020, the family went out the door at home at Sagene in the capital.
The first evening they pitched their tent on a hill in Nordmarka. There they saw Oslo disappear in a red sunset.
Since then, they have not sat back. That’s 1962 kilometers ago – or 2.5 million steps.
Had gone into therapy
Hair and toenails have healed, but so has love.
A deeper and more honest love.
It was not given in advance.
In 2019, the couple had a short break in cohabitation. They also went into couples therapy. This was something that was in the luggage along with socks, plaster, Lego and dry food when the family took time off from work and kindergarten and set off.
– We were not sure that we would be lovers when we returned. But we were clear that we had to be friends and treat each other with respect, says Ingrid Alm.
The risk of smoking completely unclear was actually quite small, Ingrid explains. While her husband grew up with Helge Ingstad and Lars Monsen as role models, has been an active snowboarder and always loved winter.
– Being out on a trip has always worked well for us, says the 34-year-old.
Still, they were used to whether the relationship would get better or worse through ten months where they only had each other to lean on.
Because when you have no place to run away when you get angry, your hair hangs in fat tufts and you just have to drop a prom in the tent, then you will be quite undressed.
– We have come to the conclusion that we only do each other a disservice if we are to get together for each other, says Ingrid.
– We have probably had an honest relationship with each other, Ole Thomas admits.
Northern Norwegian hospitality
Originally, the couple was going to South America, but as for many others, the corona pandemic put an end to a trip abroad. Thus it became Norway.
Here they have walked, cycled and paddled north. On the way to Ingrid’s roots.
And the experiences have been in line.
They have taken sloppy paddle roofs along the green Helgeland coast on a suitably hot summer day. They have been sleepless and sat on the Lofoten wall in the midnight sun in Bodø. They have received well-meaning advice from a worried reindeer herding Sami on the Finnmark plateau.
– We have encountered a lot of hospitality and especially in Finnmark. I think we have been offered to borrow a cabin from 4-5 families since we came here, says Ingrid, who has grandparents who originally come from the northern part of our country.
The trip has been ribbed for prestige and could have ended smoothly with the return trip to Nordmarka, they say. But as long as Mons has put one little foot in front of the other every single day, they have reached their hairy goal.
– If we had walked along a fence towards the Swedish border, it probably would not have happened. But he has been allowed to play with other children when we have spent the night with relatives and friends. We have also been to water parks in both Tromsø and Alta, says Ingrid.
In addition, they have played their way forward. Akt in mountain sides with plastic bag on the butt, fished, climbed in toes.
It has been important to meet Mons on his feelings, the parents discover.
– It has gone surprisingly well, and we would never have continued if he had not thrived over time. But adjustments, many breaks and visits have been the salvation. As well as lego and surprises such as stickers, a love or little toy in the backpack, says Ingrid.
Not least, Dad’s stories have made Mons forget both time and place, and how high and long that hill really was.
When they started, they had a theory that they should stay five nights outside and two nights inside. This was quickly thrown on the fire.
– We have wanted the least possible rules, says Ingrid.
Cheers to Insta
Some overnight stays have had with their new Instagram followers. The Tyritroll account has served as a diary and more and more people have joined the adventure and cheered the little family forward.
For that they have needed. It has been safe, hard days, where small choices, such as where to put the phone, have triggered quarrels or muted silence. And there have been some juicy words. Quite a few actually, we have to believe the family blog. It is Ingrid who swears the most.
«Fifty hells – the icy mud seeped in over the boot shaft. I must have inherited the curse from my grandfather, he was a sailor … I need it on the plateau too. “
But despite cursing and sulking, the relationship has gained layers upon layers of nourishment as the miles have been traveled.
– Of course we’ve been arguing. But then it is often because we have been tired, hungry or frustrated. We have had more time to talk about where our own boundaries go, says Ingrid.
– When you are at home, you may not have had the same profit to take these calls, Ole Thomas adds.
The everyday rough ride
In addition to talking, they have also thought a lot, they say. Both together and separately. Both have come to the conclusion that most of us consider a normal life, can take the life of a relationship.
– I have thought about that a lot. Why we do as we do. With everything we have to be part of and everything we have to have, says Ingrid.
– It is not difficult to say no to things that are boring. It’s hard to say a lot of nice things that you join. But at the same time, it is so that you can not always say yes to the children’s birthday on Saturday at. Then you do not get to the tent trip you had planned, says Ole Thomas.
He thinks one must dare to say no.
– It is to shield the family and the relationship.
Ole Thomas believes that we as a society have moved quickly in a track where we are constantly higher for more material prosperity.
– I’m not so sure that it makes people so much happy if they buy that cabin. They also buy more work. At the same time, we are building untouched nature, he says.
The couple themselves have a desire to go in the opposite direction. To cope with fewer new things. Drop unnecessary renovation. The gain is more time for each other, they believe.
Living with the rhythm of nature and getting up at sunset and going to bed at sunset has been an experience in itself, says Ole Thomas.
– It feels much healthier to live like this. In everyday life, you can have working days where you are pushed all the way down to the second. Being out in nature for a long time has given me a lower heart rate. I’m pretty sure of that, he says.
To avoid falling back into the tyranny, they have made a choice.
Ingrid works in child and adolescent psychiatry as a clinical educator and has applied to go down to a 50 percent position. OleThomas is a consultant and will work 70 percent from New Year.
– It was a little scary to be about it. I’ll not hide it. We are in an industry with a career pursuit, and perhaps especially we men know this by constantly stretching further, says Ole Thomas.
He still believes that many may choose to work less.
– If you prioritize right, then I think more people can. But then you can not get everything.
Brave choice
Cohabitation therapist at Sundvolden Hotel, Trine Huseby, meets many couples who are trapped in time constraints. A clamp that is so tight that love is unable to squeeze in.
– That’s what we see. One takes hold of the obvious. Delivery of children, meetings, work, training, the social. You try to be a good mom and dad, then you forget the couple relationships, says Huseby.
She thinks what the couple from Oslo has done is exciting.
– This could have gone both ways. That they have also chosen to work less to take care of what they have found is brave.
– At the same time, I can not say that everyone should do the same. Not everyone has the desire or opportunity to do so. But what I can say is that many could with advantage slow down the pace a bit, says the therapist.
It is an important prerequisite to know that a good relationship requires effort, she believes.
– Have a chat once a week and be aware of what you prioritize, plus you do some fun stunts occasionally. And it does not have to be a long expedition, Huseby points out.
Playful relationship
Ten months where they have been allowed to be in a team with their son Mons every single minute of the day, is a treasure Ingrid and Ole Thomas will always carry with them. And maybe they have learned something through the five-year-old’s magical way of seeing the world and each other.
– To have a surplus and time to play, and to be children together – tulle, play, dream and be vulnerable – is the dimension that may have been eaten up in the time squeeze earlier. We have brought this out and value it as a couple even more, says Ingrid and Ole.
Like many women, Ingrid Alm has been concerned with getting things done, organizing and having several balls in the air at the same time. Always on the way to the next task.
– I have found this is not good for me. Life is not something to get away from. It is something you should enjoy and be present in. Preferably with those you love, she says.