“Lie down here on the lawn and don’t move. I have to measure you, “ordered the seven-year-old. It is about the procurement of a skipping rope, the dimensions of which are to be determined, he explained. Then he disappeared into the house, looking for a folding rule.

It’s not often that my family ask me to do nothing. I was determined to comply. I lay down on the lawn and squinted into the friendly early autumn sun.

I noticed how the grass, which was a little too tall, tickled my ear. I would have to mow the lawn again. But I am not allowed to move. I also stayed in bed. In the distance of his thought I was drinking like the dog from the water bowl. My eyelids slowly approached each other.

THEY hadn’t got very far when I was startled by the infernal noise. The dog sat next to me in the grass and barked, drops of fresh well water splashed on my face from its catch. He doesn’t like it when I’m lying around like that. It may be that he then worries. It may be that he won’t allow me to do it. I told him to shut up and lie down with me. Then it became quiet again. I closed my eyes.

Shortly afterwards I heard happiness. The one-year-old had crawled across the dog’s tail and was now starting to climb my chest. As he did so, he tapped me on the head with growing enthusiasm and the mallet of a xylophone. The dog barked again.

The seven year old came back. I’m an estimated twelve meters sixty-four, the folding rule was nowhere to be found. We will inquire about a skipping rope for this size when the opportunity arises. And then I went to bed early in the evening.

Lüttje Lage: You can find more funny texts from our series here.

From Felix Harbart