Sexual compatibility is just as difficult to explain as intimacy. Ask 100 sexually active people what “sex” is for them and you will receive 100 different answers. Everyone perceives it differently. However, in the case of many couples who go to a psychologist “because they no longer reconcile”, the problems come precisely from intimacy, because a sexual incompatibility between partners often creates major problems.

When we talk about sexual incompatibility experiences mentioned three factors: physiological mismatch, mismatch of sexual temperaments and that of sexual fantasies. Let’s take them one at a time.

Physiological factor: size doesn’t really matter

Physiological aspects can be the cause of disharmony in sexual relations. Sometimes the problem is the size of the penis too small or large, other times the size of the vagina is to blame. However, the two cannot be considered obstacles to a harmonious sexual relationship, the lack of knowledge of the partner’s body being what actually underlies the failure.

“The penis (erect or flabby, gigantic or tiny) has absolutely no relevance for obtaining their sexual pleasure. He is like holy water: it neither helps nor confuses. Not by using the penis or using it to get the woman sexual pleasure. Likewise, the clitoris, whatever its art and whatever its exact anatomy, has absolutely no relevance for obtaining sexual pleasure for men of sapiens “, explained Sorin Cucerai, publicist-commentator in Romania, opinion shared by psychologists and sexologists both across the Prut and from the Republic of Moldova.

However, if the frustration with the length of the male sexual organ persists, rings can be purchased that do not allow the penis to penetrate deep into the vagina, and without these pain will be avoided. In this case, the partner will also receive a small bonus – usually these rings keep the erection strong longer. Lubricants can also be used to avoid painful information. If partners avoid using sex shops, they should talk to find a compromise solution. “The partner will talk to the partner, different angles and positions will be tried to overcome the problem,” says sexologist Dan Simion.

For those who are willing to understand something new, we also say that in specialty stores there are extension sleeves that can add up to 10 cm in length to the penis. “There are a lot of players, things that can add to the size of the penis. a kind of shirt, which is put on the penis and its length is no longer a problem “, explains Dan Simion.

The woman’s sexual organ is the clitoris

By sexual organ is meant the organ generates sexual pleasure and which has as its point of maximum orgasm. The clitoris is the equivalent of the male penis. The difference between the vagina and the penis, from this point of view, this is the first has only a reproductive role, and the second has the role of generating orgasm.

So, quoting Sorin Cucerai, “the female orgasm is produced exclusively by stimulating the clitoris (manual, oral or in any other form), just as the male orgasm is produced exclusively by stimulating the penis. Between 70% and 80% of women who practice intravaginal sex do not have an orgasm – and the remaining 20-30% who do, have it only because, during intravaginal sex, the clitoris was stimulated.

Different sexual temperaments: compromise the way to remedy

Usually, in this case of incompatibility, one of the partners wants to have sex more than the other. For example, one partner needs sex three times a month, while the other needs three times a day. Sexologists say that sexual temperament is given to a person by nature. There are three categories of sexual temperament:

low

People in this category often make love just because their partners need, on average, at most 1-2 times a week. Men and women with this type of temperament do well with abstinence, which can last more than 2 months.

environment

In people with this type of temperament, the periods of passion and increased libido are periodic. The ideal sexual desire for sex for such a temperament would be 2-3 times a week.

high

People of this type have an increased sex appetite and are eager to experiment in bed. The desire to have sex is almost daily.

The three categories of temperament are specific to both men and women. Sexologists encourage couples to reach a compromise. If there is no desire for classic intercourse, you can give your partner pleasure in alternative ways – with the help of massage, sex toys or manual techniques. At the same time, psychologists insist that in this case the partner, with a low temperament, should not maintain an intimate relationship just to maintain the relationship; not to blame the partner and not to have sex in the absence of bilateral consent.

Sexual preferences vs. the desire to solve the problem

The most difficult type of sexual incompatibility… If one partner prefers sex in the missionary position and the other likes fetishism or BDSM, then disharmony cannot be avoided. However, if the partners are interested in each other, they are ready to find a compromise. Experts say that in the equation of this key is communication.

Psychologist Dan Simion says that, with regret, in our couples such subjects are taboo. “Anything but sex. Even if many couples go to a psychologist, avoid this type of discussion. Why? Either she is ashamed, or she will think that he will call her a whore, or she will consider him out of control and that he is a man by nature and why things like this should be tried ”, explains the expert.

Sexual communication and education

How can sexual incompatibility be overcome? “Through communication and sex education,” says sexologist Dan Simion. The expert says that sex education must come from school, come from different groups, trainings or those who have the courage to go to a psychologist, where they will discuss their privacy and provide educational counseling. At the same time, according to Dan Simion, problems of sexual incompatibility are not a reason for separation.

Moreover, it is important to know the differential between the sexual cycles of man and woman. „The male sexual cycle looks like this: stimulation (auditory, visual, manual, oral, etc.) – penetration (vaginal, anal, oral) – additional stimulation (using the walls of the penetrated canal) – orgasm / ejaculation – end. The sexual cycle of the female sapiens looks like this: stimulation – plateau (maximum threshold of preorgasmic stimulation) – orgasm – plateau – orgasm – plateau – orgasm – and so on, potentially endless “, explains Sorin Cucerai.

So, the man can get an orgasm at least 20-30 minutes apart, and sometimes it takes at least a few hours for a new orgasm to be possible. Instead, a woman can have orgasms in series – after a first orgasm she goes down on the set, followed by a new orgasm and so on. “Because of the differences in the sexual cycle, for the female sapiens to have the same feeling of satiety that the male has after a single orgasm, she needs several orgasms. After only one orgasm, the female sapiens can be “satisfied / satisfied”, but not really “saturated”, as well as the male sapiens after his orgasm “, says Sorin Cucerai.

In conclusion, solutions can be found in relationships. “Sexuality, intimacy does not only involve intercourse, animal sex. Sexuality implies the discovery of the other, it presupposes a longer prelude, the use of sex toys “, says Dan Simion. Therefore, communication and the desire for change must come from both the man and the woman. “So, incompatibility is not one hundred percent reason to break up,” the expert concluded.