Grab your flogger and latex, freaks
The BDSM community has often been misunderstood. The unaffiliated probably only think of poorly written love interests like Christian Gray or some dude in a suit running around whipping each other. The truth, however, is that BDSM is about much more than just sex—it involves bonding, honesty, and most of all, trust. Many practitioners consider it an integral part of their sexuality, if not the basis of it. Unfortunately, as the Icelandic BDSM community discovered, not everyone agrees.
But is it queer?
The ’78 Association is Iceland’s leading queer human rights organization that has fought for the rights of homosexuals since its inception.
In 2016, the Icelandic BDSM community tried to form a relationship, called “stakeholder membership”, with the Association. That meant they would work together when appropriate. It is a partnership that other queer groups, such as Trans Iceland, Intersex Iceland and Q-The Queer Student Association, already had through organization.
“Members argued that BDSM was not sexuality per se, but perversion, and therefore had no place in the gay community.
Unfortunately, they had no idea how controversial this wish would become. Immediately, several members of the Association got angry and argued that BDSM was not sexuality in itself, but a scandal and therefore had no business in the association.
In 2016, there were many open meetings about the stakeholders, and prejudices were expressed in full force. Some began to question whether bi or trans people should ever have been part of the Association in the first place. It was, in the opinion of many, an absurd plea. But it continued, and at one meeting a long-time member took the floor and frankly told the kinksters, “Have your own parade.
For both sides, the conflict became strongly perceived as a battle between younger and older members, who had different ideas about what “the queer” meant. Tears were shed on both sides and some older members even quit their membership.
Aftercare
In the end, BDSM Iceland was admitted to the Association and the world did not collapse. The organization does the same work it has always done, and the BDSM community still meets to discuss fantasies. Two years later, the friendships that broke off at that time have been mended.
It is important to mention that the BDSM community did not have its own parade. But seriously, it would be an awesome parade… though maybe not family friendly.
Read more nerdy war stories here.